You are more than A Friend

I’m really glad things went back to ok.

but…then again.. they’re not reaally ok are they?

something is really wrong with me. i’m irritated easily and sometimes i just run out of things to talk anymore.

think the work at school is starting to get to me. especially when we’ve to redo the whole thing again. trif itpm trif itpm trif itpm.

won’t it ever go away…

spoke to Cherry today. i was really encouraged by what she said about me going for an overseas intern.it boosted my courage a lot but somehow deep there in my heart i know i won’t be able to survive. i know i’ll just fall and crumble.

“By God’s Grace, GO FOR IT AND YOU CAN DO IT”

I swear if i wasn’t in school i’d just tear man! I mean its little things like that you don’t expect someone to say to you. seriously goosebumps appeared. i felt weird but happy. i thought i’d just give it a try. if He wants me to do it, I will do it.

cause He will give me to do it.

smile and pray
everything will be alright.

say a lil prayer to heaaven
you’ll be alright

a little sunday school song. i miss the old me.

A friend came to look for me today.

Reason? I don’t know. To talk I guess.

She started telling me about parents and freedom. I. I didn’t know how to help. I didn’t know what to say.

At the end of it, I felt so useless. I couldn’t make her happy. Hopefully she doesn’t read this. Or else…….

I thought I could help anyone with their problems. But it turns out I can’t.

I’m tired of myself.

i thought tonight’s message spoke to me.

i don’t know in what way. but i think somehow it’s something i can realy apply to my life.

Andrew said something tonight.

“There was this guy on the streets, he was wearing this board hanging on his neck. And it says “I’m a fool for Christ.” Indeed, anyone on the streets would think ‘Of course you’re a fool! Especially with wearing something like!’ But as the man turned around, I saw what was written on his back – “Who’s fool are you?”“

To me, it was like…. it is so true! I mean I’d rather be a fool for Christ than anyone else’s. I don’t know. I say all these things and yet, I know I won’t do it. Very much like a hypocrite

Charis added words to this song I composed today. She said she was inspired by today’s message as well. Some stuff isn’t done up proper yet, but it sounds good.

Done loads of thinking lately, then again, my mind hasn’t stopped thinking has it? Too many things to explain, and I ain’t good with words anyway.

I shall discpline myself and read the books my dad told me to. I shall discpline myself to start working out. These two things are adding up into my 100 lists thingy. haha.

Heading off.

was asked to this 100 things thingy.
i was confident enough to say there’s a 1001 things but… on second thoughts… hahah

we’ll see. here goes.

1. get married
2. bring friends and family to christ
3. be a good dad
4. be a good brother.
5. get a job i’ll love and will make lots of money
6. have 2 houses, one in the city, one near the seaside.
7. take nice pictures to the extend people would buy them.
8. able to bring strangers to Christ
9. travel around the world.
10. hold a yacht party for my friends
11. own a set of awesome drums
12. have a room thats dedictated to music instruments and music only
13. own a super duper computer!
14. have a movie room
15. get my body into a tip top fit shape.
16. able to see my great grand children
17. able to learn more than 4 languages.
18. able to communicate with in Cantonese, Chinese and Japanese properly
19. own a photo studio
20. ride all the roller coasters in the world
21. overcome my fear of darkness
22. able to watch a horrorfic film without being scared before and after the film.
23. able to wake up at unearthly hours without anyone’s help in waking me up
24. able to climb a mountain not in singapore
25. overcome my fear of heights.
26. restrain myself from anger and from saying vulgarities
27. learn how to sing and play the piano
28. live in a foreign country for at least a year
29. live in a foreign country with poor conditions for a year
30. able to meet up with my secondary school classmates annually
31. able to find my kindergarten friends
32. lead a healthy lifestyle
33. master drums
34. master guitar
35. able to ask a girl out without hesitations
36. own many many lens for my camera
37. own many many cameras
38. bring my family out to a 10 course dinner at a posh restuarant
39. cherish my friends
40. be the friend who everyone needs
41. drive a tank
42. play all the sports in the world
43. make a slam dunk
44. get drunk and not puke
45. sing on stage infront of thousands of people for God
46. jam with my friends
47. compose songs
48. compose instrumentals
49. make an impact in someone’s life
50. complete this 100 things 5 yrs later (hope i remember)
51. stop making my friends upset
52. travel the world
53. eat all the exotic food in the world
54. drink the many alcohols in the world
55. drive a limo
56. own a limo
57. own a walk-in wardrobe
58. make a cd
59. hope it sells
60. not cry in a sad film
61. hug all my friends
62. meet all my friends for dinner at least once
63. learn dancing
64. be a testimony in someone’s life
65. speak proper English
66. master bass guitar
67. learn how to play the piano
68. know how to cook some dishes
69. act in a film
70. plan and host a party
71. play guitar in a public place infront of people i don’t know
72. camp in a forest for about a week
73. learn how to fish
74. make a movie
75. act in a movie with friends
76. be part of a big time animation studio
77. bungee jump!
78. sky dive!
79. scuba dive!
80. take pictures underwater
81. do photoshoots for famous people
82. drive a boat
83. own a dog
84. own cat
85. book an entire cinema for my friends
86. own a mini gym
87. own a smart phone
88. own many many polaroid films
89. cook dinner for my friends
90. cook dinner for my family
91. save someone from distress
92. run marathon
93. heck it do a triathalon
94. dress my kids up to go to school
95. watch an official tennis match live
96. ride on an helicopter
97. drive at least 3 super low sport cars anywhere
98. do insane sports like dirt racing
99. design some thing really cool
100. fly a plane

why is it?

no one else can sense it when I’m down.

why is it?

no one can understand me.

i hate these emotions. this restlessness.

it ruins me.

Lord I want to be touched by You.
No one else but You.
Only You can understand me.
Only You know me.
Only You know why I feel these emotions.
Please Lord, take them away.
They are not of You and I know that.

In the quiet of my soul
In the stillness I hear Your voice call
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe You Jesus You’re more than a friend
Jesus You’re more than my heart
Could ever express
Your love and Your grace never fail me
Your merciful touch always heals me
You bring joy to my soul, joy to my soul My heart longs to worship You my king
And I long to bring You a pleasing offering
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe You

i was out at sea yesterday. Dreamcatcher was her name. we took her out pass sentosa, till sister’s island. when i was out at sea, cldn’t help but enjoy the quietness. laid there and think. again no definite thoughts.

i don’t know. the scenery was awesome though. we started out late so we couldn’t spend too much time out there. wish i could bring all of you there (not like anyone is reading this). lying there, enjoying the breeze and the sea. these are His works that he has blessed us with and i’m so fortunate to be able to enjoy this experience.

my dad asked me if i was interested in sailing. i didn’t know what to say. yeah i did enjoy myself but i don’t wanna go through the whole process of learning the ways of the sea, how to sail all that jazz. maybe in future i’ll hire a boat and a captain to take my friends out to sea to enjoy ourselves? it’ll be totally awesome.

speaking about friends, i really do miss em. one of em is ben. we try so hard to get him to meet with us but time and time again he has rejected us. eldric got so pissed with him that now whenever ben is mentioned, eldric would blow up and say he isn’t one of us anymore. i really do miss him despite me bullying him all the time. he’s been one of my longest guy friends actually he IS my longest guy friend. since the age of 11.its been 9 years. look at that and now…. we’ve fallen apart. i do miss my other friends too (: even though they’re in singapore, i just miss spending time with em, just hanging out and stuff. miss people who are overseas too! im sure you guys know who you are.

alright i better go get ready for school.

was asked about this blog.

i don’t know if i should make it public.

things has been going on good anyway. filming started today. quite cool stuff. made loads of mistakes but still fun. imagine a suit on top and shorts and sneakers below.

after standing there for like half hour? i looked away from the camera and all i could see was a green spot.

you see we’re using a green screen for filming. so there’s this thing worth 2k full of green / blue LEDs mounted at the camera lens. quite fun and all. i think our progress although not going as planned. but i know we’ll make it somehow.

been thinking about some stuff lately. but i don’t know how to put em so i shan’t bother.

i am addicted to sara barielles. don’t know why but i just am.

this blog is suppose to be on reflective thoughts and these things are totally not reflective. stupid me. devotion didn’t come today in my email. felt kinda empty without it? its only been 2 days subscription? haha. i don’t know maybe i’ll just get the hardcopy or smth.

just to blog about some stuff happening to my friends around me. relationships can be a pain in the ass at times. guy / girl gets insecure and stuff but i mean why bother getting into a relationship with that person when you don’t have trust. im totally contradicting myself but humans sometimes lack these kinda things. i can say everything i want now BUT when it happens to me, i whine, nag blab labla you name it.

one thing i hate about relationships though is secrecy. causes problems. look now at my friends’ lives. totally complicated stuff. instead of just the couple involved, its bigger than anyone would expect which is kinda…. interesting.

i think i’ll stop here now. its kinda getting no where. i’ll blog another time.

breathing is slowed down.
the pillow gets stained with tiny droplets
lips start to get wet
a frown between your eyebrows.